Part 3: " a question of will"
By Taté Walker
the lakota say iyagleiciya
i remember thinking we deserve this
america’s arrogant gluttony
brought down with box c u t t e r s
and more than 4 oz. of liquid in a carryon p r o b a b l y
the lakota say w a s i c u
it’s another rich white guy on tv
our sovereign authority
just an illiterate texas nepo baby
united states congress voted overwhelmingly to support the use of force against indigenous people // french // indigenous people // english // indigenous people // the entire african continent // indigenous people // black people // brown people // indigenous people // poor people // indigenous people // trans people // indigenous people // queer people // russians // germans // japanese // communists // everyone except israel // vietnamese // koreans // hippies // academics // drug addicts // iraq // poor people // fatties // sluts // people who get raped // people who can’t afford abortions // sick people // afghanistan // iraq // china // people who wear masks // everyone except israel // and probably ukraine for now
the lakota say lila ehas
but i’m not sure
what the plural
of >>> a p o c a l y p s e <<< is
i was in college
myself a glutton full of arrogance // the privilege of youth
only me // myself // i to look out for
the world—my family—had abandoned me
what were a few far away buildings and several thousand people
to north dakota’s foster care system and conversion therapies
we were an hour behind east coast news
so we watched as one and then the other tower came tumbling down
coating one of the world’s most diverse cities in layers of toxic white dust
look at us, all one color now, i thought
i worked for the college newspaper // wrote an op ed to the tune of
“this was a tragedy, but let’s not pretend we’ve got no blood on our hands”
i also used the word “recant” when i meant “recount”
readers fixated on that and my traitorous words
i was kicked off the paper and i wore it like a badge of honor
because “censorship” and “free speech” // what’s more patriotic than the first amendment
before the box cutters >> there was body cutting
crashing sharp things into my terrorist skin
it was not a question of a u t h o r i t y // it was a question of w i l l
the lakota ask niglahun he?
i called it the only form of >>> control <<< over my body i’d ever known
so then i signed up to kill things with the navy
but i wasn’t 18 until october // i graduated early to escape the group home
the navy offered even more escape // money // structure // lots of semi-closeted queers
i did not believe in any military mission
my father being a career army man // a vietnam v e t e r a n
aggressive dictators weren’t new to me
college would always be there
but war is where a nation’s young belong
the lakota call them a k i c i t a
i was lost
buttons and teleprompters can only attack the innocent and destroy the peace mister president
when college started in august i was fresh out of foster care
my social worker took me to mcdonalds and told me not to fuck up
the navy recruiter – “call me dave” – came to campus and targeted the loners
i tested off the asvab charts and it felt like a middle finger at the system
dave liked my disconnection // my eagerness to please // my undiagnosed adhd // my daddy issues
dave left three voicemails on sept. 11 // reminded me of the oath i ha[d] sworn // the oath i w[ould] keep
twenty-three years later to the month
and nothing i did or have ever done // have killed or have won
feels like enough
no vote no debate // no speech no candidate
no party no campaign // no military no bullet
will ever compel the nations of the world to unite
we are the threat to peace
the lakota say wasicu okhiyapi eyas optelyela olakhota yelo
i say the united states my dad my social worker the system dave the military
me - i // must bring an end to this danger
me - i // am a material breach of obligation // a vow of serious consequence
me - i // am resolved // fortified
me - i // we // will rise
m i s s i o n // a c c o m p l i s h e d